Giving false hope to Joe Schmos everywhere that they can hang with the pros.
April 1, 2018
February 18, 2018
RIP Doc
A few months ago my favorite baseball player died in a tragic plane crash. His name was Roy Halladay, but to me and many others he was "Doc."
I first heard about Doc while living in Germany. I don't recall exactly how, but I likely learned about him while poring over the USA Today that came to our doorstep a day after it hit newsstands. On the last day of the 1998 MLB season, Doc made his first major-league start for the Toronto Blue Jays and came within one out of a no-hitter. It was a great story and a sign of a bright future ahead.
Fast forward a few years and my family moved to Toronto. After living abroad since the age of six, I finally lived in a city with a professional baseball team again. I quickly adopted the Blue Jays as my mistress to my childhood team, the Oakland A's. My family made it a habit to attend every Opening Day, and Doc, now a bonafide ace, was the one who ushered in the start of each season.
The Blue Jays never made the playoffs the five years I lived in Toronto. They didn't really come close. So our saving grace as fans was Doc. With Doc on the mound, we knew at least for that day we had a fighting chance against the Yankees and Red Sox. We didn't have the best team in the AL East, but we had the best pitcher, and on those days that was enough.
When I saw the news that Doc had passed away, I was immediately overcome with emotion. I was surprised by my reaction and a bit embarrassed since I was at work. I had to pop into a conference room and gather myself. Even writing this post months after his passing, I still get teary eyed.
I don't know exactly why that is, but I do know Doc's life touched many lives. That day I found myself reading the many tributes to him, finding solace that his death meant as much to others as it did to me. He was only with us for 40 years, but that was enough to make a mark. I will forever cherish the memories he gave me, but my favorite ones will always be at the SkyDome, standing up and applauding our local legend as he walked to the dugout after striking out another one of those damn Yankees.
I first heard about Doc while living in Germany. I don't recall exactly how, but I likely learned about him while poring over the USA Today that came to our doorstep a day after it hit newsstands. On the last day of the 1998 MLB season, Doc made his first major-league start for the Toronto Blue Jays and came within one out of a no-hitter. It was a great story and a sign of a bright future ahead.
Fast forward a few years and my family moved to Toronto. After living abroad since the age of six, I finally lived in a city with a professional baseball team again. I quickly adopted the Blue Jays as my mistress to my childhood team, the Oakland A's. My family made it a habit to attend every Opening Day, and Doc, now a bonafide ace, was the one who ushered in the start of each season.
The Blue Jays never made the playoffs the five years I lived in Toronto. They didn't really come close. So our saving grace as fans was Doc. With Doc on the mound, we knew at least for that day we had a fighting chance against the Yankees and Red Sox. We didn't have the best team in the AL East, but we had the best pitcher, and on those days that was enough.
When I saw the news that Doc had passed away, I was immediately overcome with emotion. I was surprised by my reaction and a bit embarrassed since I was at work. I had to pop into a conference room and gather myself. Even writing this post months after his passing, I still get teary eyed.
I don't know exactly why that is, but I do know Doc's life touched many lives. That day I found myself reading the many tributes to him, finding solace that his death meant as much to others as it did to me. He was only with us for 40 years, but that was enough to make a mark. I will forever cherish the memories he gave me, but my favorite ones will always be at the SkyDome, standing up and applauding our local legend as he walked to the dugout after striking out another one of those damn Yankees.
RIP Doc. No one I loved watching pitch more. https://t.co/E8qB4Ts24O— Nick Davis (@NickMetrophanes) November 7, 2017
September 24, 2017
Tech Bro Hubris
You know you truly DGAF when you pull this stunt knowing your wife works IN THE SAME OFFICE (via The New York Times)
April 24, 2016
April Fool's
Last year, while my brother was serving his Mormon mission in the Czech Republic (errr...Czechia), I played the following prank on him.
Coliba!
He bought it hook, line and sinker. The Bruno Mars sign-off and stock "engagement ring" photo I grabbed from the Internet likely helped seal the deal.
Like my brother, she bought it. I got a slightly panicked call from her that morning.
I am lucky to have someone who tolerates my twisted sense of humor and didn't leave me to die alone after this.
from:
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Nick Davis
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to:
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Cole Davis
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date:
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Wed, Apr 1, 2015 at 10:07 AM
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subject:
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Good/Bad News
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Coliba!
I know you haven't heard from me in a while. Sorry, I've been busy...GETTING ENGAGED!!! Who ever thought I'd be the first Davis child to lock it down??? Check out the pictures to see her rock. Not bad, eh? :)
So....the bad news. Sarah's parents live out of the country, but will be here in at the beginning of June and she obviously wants them to be there. So we're setting the date for June 12...sorry, bro! Do you think there's any way you could come home early? It's all happening so fast, but we'll make sure to record the whole thing for you if you can't.
It's a beautiful night,
We're looking for something dumb to do,
Hey baby,
I think I wanna marry you,
Nick
He bought it hook, line and sinker. The Bruno Mars sign-off and stock "engagement ring" photo I grabbed from the Internet likely helped seal the deal.
A year later, I'm now actually engaged and set my sights on a different target — my fiancée. As you'll see, this idea was much more nefarious. After workshopping the content with my mom (the ultimate April Fooler who once woke my dad up in the middle of the night when I was three years told to tell him I'd stopped breathing), I set an alarm for 2:30 a.m. and fired off the first text. Nine minutes later, I sent the next one. (For context, we were planning to get married in the Oakland LDS Temple, but found out two days before it would be closed on our date and had been arguing about what to do).
Like my brother, she bought it. I got a slightly panicked call from her that morning.
March 5, 2016
January 13, 2016
Twenty Fifteen
My Favorite Songs
Brandon Flowers - Can't Deny My Love
Carly Rae Jepsen - Run Away With Me
CHVRCHES - Clearest Blue
Courtney Barnett - Pedestrian at Best
Grimes - Kill V. Maim
Jason Derulo - Want To Want Me
Kacey Musgraves - Late to the Party
MisterWives - Reflections
Passion Pit - Until We Can't (Let's Go)
Shamir - On The Regular
Sleater-Kinney - A New Wave
Smallpools - Street Fight
Tame Impala - The Less I Know The Better
Torres - Strange Hellos
The Weeknd - Can't Feel My Face
My Favorite Albums
My Favorite Movies
Creed
I'm pretty sure the only Rocky movie I've seen in full is Rocky Balboa, so I'm not the foremost authority on this series. But I thought USC alum Ryan Coogler and Michael B. Jordan made this their own, whether it was through that masterful one-take fight or the goosebump-inducing, Meek Mill-soundtracked bikes in the street scene.
Ex Machina
There were so many things I loved about this minimalist thriller: The way the first scene is shot to immediately hook you. Watching two of the finest young actors working today square off for 90 minutes. And of course, that dance scene.
Inside Out
I know some people don't think adults should adore these movies, but what I like about them is that they're one of Hollywood's few remaining sources of original storytelling. I was pleased to see Pixar emerge from its funk (Cars 2, no thank you) with a movie that was so universal (We all have feelings!), so creative (Personality islands! Your forgotten imaginary friend!) and perfectly cast (Phyllis! Lewis Black!). Did you know people cried during this movie? (I did.)
Mad Max: Fury Road
What a lovely day it was when I saw this relentless, refreshingly CGI-averse movie. I can't take any opinion of this movie seriously unless the person saw it in a theater. This is a spectacle that was made to be consumed on the big screen. Since my first viewing, I've seen bits of this on a plane and on HBO and it isn't the same. Like Gravity, I believe this should only be available to watch in theaters.
My Favorite Comedy Special
When I saw John Mulaney perform this immaculately crafted show live last year, I literally laughed through the entire set. Multiple viewings on Netflix later, it's still just as funny, and now I find myself quoting it all the time.
My Favorite Article
(I am still a voracious reader, although I've become more of a news junkie than the bookworm I once was. Because I didn't really read a book I loved this year, I thought I'd highlight my favorite article of the year. This is clearly my most exciting category.)
Like a car crash on the highway, I've found it difficult to look away from how Donald Trump crashed the presidential party this past year. I thought this magnificent Frank Rich article in New York Magazine offered a balanced, masterful breakdown on the massive ripple effects of his wrecking-ball campaign.
Honorable mention goes to an article by a Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter that should have set off a media firestorm but didn't because it wasn't easily compartmentalized into a listicle format: Seymour Hersh's exposé on the killing of Osama bin Laden and the many liberties the Obama administration took in telling their version of the story.
My Favorite Product To Aspire To Own
While on vacation in Hawaii, I experienced my first Toto toilet. It was the heated seat that got me. You wouldn't expect that to make a huge difference until it makes you realize you've been sitting on cold toilet seats your entire life, and now all you want is this luxury you didn't know existed seconds before. The built-in bidet and dryer are just gravy after that. Now I know what the most appealing part of becoming a homeowner would be for me. Needless to say, I've added this to my Amazon wish list.
My Favorite Video
My Favorite TV Show
Nathan For You continues to be the funniest show on TV. It's also the first show for me since the U.K. Office where there is as much laughing as cringing from the unbearable awkwardness. It was endlessly entertaining to see the unexpected and outrageous ways Nathan escalated the stakes this season. "The Movement" (embedded below for your viewing pleasure) was the best example of that.
Brandon Flowers - Can't Deny My Love
Carly Rae Jepsen - Run Away With Me
CHVRCHES - Clearest Blue
Courtney Barnett - Pedestrian at Best
Grimes - Kill V. Maim
Jason Derulo - Want To Want Me
Kacey Musgraves - Late to the Party
MisterWives - Reflections
Passion Pit - Until We Can't (Let's Go)
Shamir - On The Regular
Sleater-Kinney - A New Wave
Smallpools - Street Fight
Tame Impala - The Less I Know The Better
Torres - Strange Hellos
The Weeknd - Can't Feel My Face
My Favorite Albums
I thought it was a down year for music, or at least according to my music taste (or maybe I'm getting too obsessed with podcasts). I enjoyed The Balcony, Catfish and the Bottlemen's mature-beyond-its-years debut; the riotous comeback of Sleater-Kinney with No Cities To Love; The Desired Effect, the sparkling solo sophomore album from Killers frontman Brandon Flowers; and the pleasant surprise of CHVRCHES avoiding the sophomore slump with Every Open Eye. But the album that I kept returning to was one I was not anticipating: Carly Rae Jepsen's E•MO•TION. With this album chock full of earworms, she proved she's much more than a one-hit wonder. I ended up purchasing the deluxe version of this album because even the bonus tracks were that catchy.
My Favorite Movies
Creed
I'm pretty sure the only Rocky movie I've seen in full is Rocky Balboa, so I'm not the foremost authority on this series. But I thought USC alum Ryan Coogler and Michael B. Jordan made this their own, whether it was through that masterful one-take fight or the goosebump-inducing, Meek Mill-soundtracked bikes in the street scene.
Ex Machina
There were so many things I loved about this minimalist thriller: The way the first scene is shot to immediately hook you. Watching two of the finest young actors working today square off for 90 minutes. And of course, that dance scene.
Inside Out
I know some people don't think adults should adore these movies, but what I like about them is that they're one of Hollywood's few remaining sources of original storytelling. I was pleased to see Pixar emerge from its funk (Cars 2, no thank you) with a movie that was so universal (We all have feelings!), so creative (Personality islands! Your forgotten imaginary friend!) and perfectly cast (Phyllis! Lewis Black!). Did you know people cried during this movie? (I did.)
Mad Max: Fury Road
What a lovely day it was when I saw this relentless, refreshingly CGI-averse movie. I can't take any opinion of this movie seriously unless the person saw it in a theater. This is a spectacle that was made to be consumed on the big screen. Since my first viewing, I've seen bits of this on a plane and on HBO and it isn't the same. Like Gravity, I believe this should only be available to watch in theaters.
My Favorite Comedy Special
My Favorite Article
(I am still a voracious reader, although I've become more of a news junkie than the bookworm I once was. Because I didn't really read a book I loved this year, I thought I'd highlight my favorite article of the year. This is clearly my most exciting category.)
Like a car crash on the highway, I've found it difficult to look away from how Donald Trump crashed the presidential party this past year. I thought this magnificent Frank Rich article in New York Magazine offered a balanced, masterful breakdown on the massive ripple effects of his wrecking-ball campaign.
Honorable mention goes to an article by a Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter that should have set off a media firestorm but didn't because it wasn't easily compartmentalized into a listicle format: Seymour Hersh's exposé on the killing of Osama bin Laden and the many liberties the Obama administration took in telling their version of the story.
My Favorite Product To Aspire To Own
While on vacation in Hawaii, I experienced my first Toto toilet. It was the heated seat that got me. You wouldn't expect that to make a huge difference until it makes you realize you've been sitting on cold toilet seats your entire life, and now all you want is this luxury you didn't know existed seconds before. The built-in bidet and dryer are just gravy after that. Now I know what the most appealing part of becoming a homeowner would be for me. Needless to say, I've added this to my Amazon wish list.
My Favorite Video
My Favorite TV Show
Nathan For You continues to be the funniest show on TV. It's also the first show for me since the U.K. Office where there is as much laughing as cringing from the unbearable awkwardness. It was endlessly entertaining to see the unexpected and outrageous ways Nathan escalated the stakes this season. "The Movement" (embedded below for your viewing pleasure) was the best example of that.
Honorable mention to two true-crime documentaries - HBO's The Jinx and Netflix's Making A Murderer.
Later 2015, you were all right.
Later 2015, you were all right.
October 7, 2015
October 6, 2015
October 4, 2015
July 29, 2015
Instagram Insanity
My sisters are obsessed with Instagram. It consumes their lives like nothing else. Here's the typical process they go about to get a worthy photo:
Deliberate over what to wear
V
Pick an outfit
V
Find a photogenic spot
V
Take a few shots in various poses, rarely looking at the camera
V
Huddle around the phone to check the pics and say things like, "Why didn't you tell me I was slouching?"
V
Take more shots with better posture/different poses
V
Huddle around the phone again and say things like, "Ugh, no delete that one."
V
Rinse
V
Repeat
After the shoot, they'll then go through the dozens of photos, select a few, run them through all the filters, compare the finished products, ask multiple people advice on which one to choose, pick one and come up with a "bomb" caption. Following this multi-hour process, it is finally posted, whereupon their followers look at it in their feed for two seconds and scroll to the next one.
The part from which I get the most satisfaction is the sister who puts obsessive amounts of care into her Instagram gets 1/3 of the social validation (i.e. likes) that the other sister does. (I've heard her say multiple variations of "I've only gotten 10 likes in the last 5 minutes. Do you think I should take it down?")
Anyway, I finally decided to document this inane experience. I showed this video to them hoping they'd realize this is the behavior of sociopaths, only to have them think it was "so cool." Here's to hoping you side with me.
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