Samson No More

Hell Fire Rained Down On My House!

I just got my first speeding ticket today. Pretty remarkable considering I've been driving for six years and have male hormones that constantly urge me to push it to the limit.

What I wanted to do/say to the cop:

Bryan Cranston ladies and gentlemen! That's how you win an Emmy. 

What I actually did:

Remained quiet and forlorn, which ended up getting him to knock it down from 16 over to 5. That or he thought I was a chick and didn't mind my AA cup.

Mor(m)ons

My least favorite part of Mormon culture (2nd least favorite - the strange obsession with The Emperor's New Groove - it was the 4th most popular movie among BYU students on Facebook! Ahead of Aladdin, ahead of Toy Story, ahead of all superior Disney/Pixar movies. Completely undeserved - a peculiar people indeed) is the invention of ridiculous games that could only possibly be thought up from the lack of time spent drinking, having sex, and general debauchery.

Text I received last night: 

Hey just a reminder of FHE tonight at 6:30. We'll be playing water kickball and then having a marshmallow gun fight!

Kill me now.

I Am My Hair

I originally grew my hair out because of this

but in reality I would settle for this

but instead I've ended up looking like this

That arm around me is a female's...but it's my sister.

I've been growing my hair out for a year and three months now, waiting for the day when it's going to finally look at least as half as good as those pictures above. I'm still waiting. And the longer I wait, the more prone I am to cut it off. Which would make it feel like the last 15 months were a waste of headspace.

Today, however, a female told me she loved my hair...and it wasn't my sister. So as long as that keeps happening...

Another Awkward Moment

I was watching a TV show in the dark

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My sister came in

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My sister turned on the lights

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Two men onscreen kissed

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My sister remarked how my pants were unbuttoned and unzipped

I could give you the full context which explains everything, but you've probably already made your judgments.

Cool video, even cooler song.

RIP The Graduate

My favorite band broke up today.  Life sucks sometimes.

No matter what happens, no one can ever take away the music. 

I get that the church is trying to capitalize on the popularity of The Book of Mormon musical, but these ads are just misleading.  Mormons just aren't this cool.

You Know Who You Look Like?

Someone told me I look like somebody again today, so I thought I'd compile a list of all the people who people have told me I look like.

Mat Hoffman, BMXer.  I was told this by the kid who always high at my high school, so I'm not sure he realized I really don't look like this guy.

Rob Thomas, formerly of Matchbox 20 and currently a solo artist who should do us all a favor and go back to his band.  My dentist's receptionist told me this one, and I kinda can see it, although I will never be caught dead in a sleeveless shirt because I want girls to focus on my personality and not like me just because of my body.

Ben from The Secret Life of the American Teenager.  I'm too lazy to look up his actor name, but I was weirdly told this by two different people.  It's probably my closest doppelganger.

Ashton Kutcher, actor/Tweeter/cougar hunter.  I think people mainly equate me with him because I have worn my hair long for most of my life, as has he.  His of course always looks better than mine.

This guy, Beach House.  This was the most recent one, and I'm somewhat flattered since he's in a band (=cool).  Unfortunately, I've never had this sort of picture taken with a girl.  

Probably because I take pictures like this.  Peeps...they tell great jokes!