How I Deal With Roommate Conflict

The City Search

I recently moved to San Francisco for my job after nearly two years in Salt Lake. This is a brief foray into my apartment search in the city where rent is three times higher than the national average.

I didn't have any leads...

But why worry? I was out of my parents' basement at last!

Pretty much the only way to find housing here is to peruse Craigslist. Every day for three weeks straight, I scoured the classifieds relentlessly. 100 sent emails and several open houses later, I was still homeless.

Here are a few choice postings I stumbled upon during my search.

Best Headlines

OPEN MINDED STRAIGHT DUDE LOOKING FOR A CHILL ROOMMATE

I guess the guy didn't get any bites with that one, so a week later he upped the ante.

Are you a VERY open minded, dominant str8 guy, in need of a place soon (SF)

Best Descriptions

• One of the current roommates is a Rastafarian with possible terrorist connections. A curse has been placed on both of those rooms to preclude anyone from renting them. If you inhabit either dwelling unit, great harm will befall you.

• Then there is me David. I am the geek of the group. Best way to describe me would be if Toby Ziggler from the West Wing and Yoda (if he was a woman) had a love-child and was raised on watching old Robin Williams stand up.

• If you'd like to live in an off-campus dorm room with a bunch of other fun guys in their 20s (and the "house bunny") for just $400 a month (includes everything) then put on your best pair of tightey-whiteys, bikini briefs, or g-string and try-out for our wet underpants contest! Winner gets an affordable place to stay and a bunch of new friends! (Runner-ups may get dates)

Best Overall Package

Thankfully, I finally found a place and didn't even have to put on my best pair of tightey-whiteys.

Also, one of my roommates may be living in my walk-in closet. San Francisco!