D.E.A.R. (Drop Everything and Read)

For the last few months, I've been interning at a literary agency.  It's been my favorite thing I've done, mainly because of how fun it is to see what people out there in the world think deserves representation to be published.  Among queries I've received there:

• Hairy Pawter and the Golden Spoon
• A children's recipe book. Because kids are really into baking.  I did enjoy the included illustrations:

• The Scientist Vampire
• A legitimate top 5 worst thing I've ever read in my life. It was about a scientist who becomes a vampire (don't know if you got that from the title) and then fights crime by sucking blood from criminals' pleasure points. It was so bad I couldn't even ironically enjoy it.

• My favorite, however, was a proposal for a two-part memoir.  The author was a fugitive on the run from the FBI for eight years for identity theft.  He adopted countless names and stole thousands of dollars.  The first memoir ends on a literal cliffhanger - being chased by the FBI, he falls 800 feet off a mountain. The second part is about his time in the hospital and jail, but he mentioned that if we liked what we saw, he also had a third part available about how he cleaned up his life and became a transgender priest. HOW DO YOU NOT LEAD OFF WITH THAT?!?!

See? Reading can be fun.

Things I Will Remember About The Day I Graduated From College

• Thinking "this is the closest I'll come to Hogwarts" as I passed by people and professors in funny robes

• A kid in my class telling me I look like Crispin Glover (add him to the list). I didn't know who that was, but a subsequent Google search didn't make me feel too hot.

• Going in for a hug with the secretary of the Russian department and her a) choosing to ignore it or b) not noticing it, leaving me suspended mid-motion unsure of what to do.  Wouldn't be me unless something painfully awkward that will scar me forever happened.

• Asking my Russian professor to tell my parents the time he had dinner with Tolstoy, a feat that would have been quite remarkable considering Leo died 112 years ago (!).  I'm seriously one of the worst Russian majors ever.

• Bonding with my fellow Russian majors one last time, basking together in the knowledge that with a Russian degree, we will likely never have a salary higher than our tuition.  Except for that kid with the medals - he's going places (you can see him already looking into the future).

Jokes!

There's a really good donut shop by my apartment.