Mother Russia

As my time in Russia fades further into the crevices of my memory, I tend to only remember the inherent strangeness and peculiarity of the country: my interactions with the man with the rat on his shoulder; the babushka feeding her sheep in a park; the man who walked his ferret on a leash.

That's why I'm thankful the proletariat captured this bizarre moment, allowing the general populace to better comprehend what truly goes on behind the iron curtain.

Behold.

Billy On The Street

If you like to laugh (not breathe heavily through your nostrils, but actually laugh out loud), then watch this show. Billy Eichner takes the structure of game shows and politeness of their hosts and throws them out the window. The result is riveting (and hilarious and weird and amazing) TV. 

Catch it Fridays on Fuse. 

I Am 24 Years Old

Most people's reaction to my mustache (or lack thereof):

Caddyshanked

As you can see from this photo, this golf ball is a little scuffed up, specifically on the 'Tit'. Unfortunately, it's not from hitting the cart path, but from cracking an unsuspecting victim's windshield. Yes, of the hundreds of rounds of golf I've played, I've never hit a hole-in-one, but I've now hit someone's car. The guy has yet to call me, but this is just a reminder that if you think your life has more awkward moments than mine, it doesn't.

Red Bull Gives You Wings

The Grotesquery and Beauty of Sports

I should have known that after declaring my first real sports allegiance, I'd immediately experience my first sports-related heartbreak. I could write about how the fact that Matt Barkley will finish his career having never beaten Stanford is a huge blemish or about how much I hate losing early in college football because it deflates your whole season or how I'm cheering hard for the Ducks now (the only hope to save America from another all-SEC BCS Championship), but I never really wanted to write anything after that game - I just wanted to post this gif. Now, however, instead of being a vindictive takedown of The Farm, it's just a sad metaphor for our season.

Awkward

In less depressing news, the baseball playoffs have commenced. Unfortunately, no one my age likes baseball, even though it's the best thing ever. One of the biggest regrets of my life was going out with friends on October 27th of last year. This rare moment of socialization, in which I didn't even have that great of a time (a fairly typical outcome when I associate with humans), proved to be extremely costly. While we were dining and froyo-ing, I missed Game 6 between the Texas Rangers and the St. Louis Cardinals, better known as "the greatest World Series game ever played" (according to every sportswriter ever). If these "friends" (downgraded to acquaintances after what they did to me) liked baseball, this never would have happened.

Needless to say, I make sure that catastrophe will never repeat itself by ensuring my Octobers favor hits by ballplayers over kicks with amigos. (The latter is surprisingly not a problem for me these days, maybe because I say things like 'kicks with amigos'). I feel quite vindicated tonight after witnessing two walk-off wins by the Yankees and A's. As someone who despises the Yankees for how they always pull miracles out of nowhere, it sucked, and yet being there to experience it all also made it kind of rule.

Awesome

Fight On

One downside from moving around so much was that I never got to attach myself to a sports team and grow up with them through all the ups & downs. I was a huge A's fan, but then moved to Toronto, which split my allegiance (especially since they were in the same league). I don't know who to root for when they play each other. 

Football I liked the 49ers but that was also hard to maintain living in Germany (although I did become a Frankfurt Galaxy fan briefly - yay NFL Europe!). Basketball and hockey I flirted briefly with, but once we left Toronto my interest in the Raptors & Maple Leafs evaporated (haven't missed much there though).

So, when I got accepted to USC, I finally had a team I could unabashedly support with no qualms or hesitation. Unfortunately, I missed the Bush-Leinart years and the Mark Sanchez honeymoon and was left with a bowl-banned team my last two years. I've graduated and now we're #1 and BCS-eligibile (I really picked my spots poorly), but I now understand what it's like to have a real investment in a team...I feel American! Mainly though, I really want to shut the SEC up and I'd love for us to be the ones to do it. 

Story of My Life

Guess what gender?

Story of the Year

Best headline ever or best headline ever?

Even the subheadline is amazing. A family sexual assault trifecta. Definitely worth a read.

you've come a long way, baby

Today, a random stranger told me I have the best hair she's ever seen.

It's been a long road, but my darkest days (pictured below) appear to be behind me. 

Rock bottom.

(anti)social

This is my family's shared Verizon bill for the month of June.  I'm the one who didn't even reach triple digits in call minutes in my BIRTHDAY month. This might be why my mom bought me this book:

(By the way, that's why my 15-year-old sister with double as many messages as the next closest member. That is over 100 texts a day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)    

D.E.A.R. (Drop Everything and Read)

For the last few months, I've been interning at a literary agency.  It's been my favorite thing I've done, mainly because of how fun it is to see what people out there in the world think deserves representation to be published.  Among queries I've received there:

• Hairy Pawter and the Golden Spoon
• A children's recipe book. Because kids are really into baking.  I did enjoy the included illustrations:

• The Scientist Vampire
• A legitimate top 5 worst thing I've ever read in my life. It was about a scientist who becomes a vampire (don't know if you got that from the title) and then fights crime by sucking blood from criminals' pleasure points. It was so bad I couldn't even ironically enjoy it.

• My favorite, however, was a proposal for a two-part memoir.  The author was a fugitive on the run from the FBI for eight years for identity theft.  He adopted countless names and stole thousands of dollars.  The first memoir ends on a literal cliffhanger - being chased by the FBI, he falls 800 feet off a mountain. The second part is about his time in the hospital and jail, but he mentioned that if we liked what we saw, he also had a third part available about how he cleaned up his life and became a transgender priest. HOW DO YOU NOT LEAD OFF WITH THAT?!?!

See? Reading can be fun.

Things I Will Remember About The Day I Graduated From College

• Thinking "this is the closest I'll come to Hogwarts" as I passed by people and professors in funny robes

• A kid in my class telling me I look like Crispin Glover (add him to the list). I didn't know who that was, but a subsequent Google search didn't make me feel too hot.

• Going in for a hug with the secretary of the Russian department and her a) choosing to ignore it or b) not noticing it, leaving me suspended mid-motion unsure of what to do.  Wouldn't be me unless something painfully awkward that will scar me forever happened.

• Asking my Russian professor to tell my parents the time he had dinner with Tolstoy, a feat that would have been quite remarkable considering Leo died 112 years ago (!).  I'm seriously one of the worst Russian majors ever.

• Bonding with my fellow Russian majors one last time, basking together in the knowledge that with a Russian degree, we will likely never have a salary higher than our tuition.  Except for that kid with the medals - he's going places (you can see him already looking into the future).

Jokes!

There's a really good donut shop by my apartment.

Watch Your Back, Officer Hernandez

I got this ticket for not turning my wheels to the left while parking on a hill.

I hate living in a bankrupt state sometimes.

SXSW

For my last spring break ever (unless I become a teacher, I guess), I went to Austin, TX with my roommate for South by Southwest, which is essentially a week long music festival, among (many) other things. It was basically heaven (with a lot of walking).

Live music = awesome. Where we lived = not so awesome. Our Motel 6 (left) felt like walking back into the 80's, complete with a retro bedspread and SDTV (bolted down because they're in demand). We shared the Days Inn (right) with three other girls, by which I mean we shared recycled bathwater since our drain clogged. This picture was taken two hours after the last shower. Ick.

The one on the left was delicious (two meats - Ron Swanson would be proud), the one on the right (alligator on a stick) not so much.

I used the bus as a diversion to take a picture of THIS SHIRT THAT SOMEONE ACTUALLY THOUGHT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO PURCHASE AND THEN LATER WEAR IN 2012

I didn't get the memo that we were folding our arms.

We got free Irish Spring in return for this.

 Seeing the Shins with a lot of people.

Latitude 30. My favorite venue, even though I never stepped inside it. They had windowless windows so you could watch and listen from the street. Foxy Shazam was playing at the time I took this, who are borderline insane: the lead singer lit and smoked a full pack of cigarettes and said things like "If Foxy Shazam were an animal in the zoo, we would be one that bites your head off!"

It was a good week. My last hurrah before I go to die in Utah.

Portrait Perfect

I recently had my portrait drawn.

Nothing spectacular, right? It becomes more impressive though when I reveal it was actually done by a homeless guy! (or person experiencing homelessness - PEH - as the Census instructed us to say)

I've never had a PEH ask to draw me, but it made me think more PEHs should do unique stuff like this - granted, most would end up looking like unintentional Picasso paintings, but this guy - James Franklin if you can't read his signature at the bottom - bagged $5 from me just for the effort.

Plus, am I the only who sees similarities to Joseph Smith?

Sad Core

I've recently become captivated with this performance.  I was told by one of my professors to never refer to a song as 'haunting' because it's overused and usually undeserved.  But this is haunting - not only for its creepy undertone, but also the minimal instrumentation that accompanies her breathy vocals.  My favorite moment is the crescendo at 4:04 and how she leaves us with a whisper.

David Letterman seems to agree with me, but he could be doing that because he wants to sleep with her.

Twenty Eleven

My Favorite Albums
10) Meg & Dia - Cocoon
9) Cults - Cults
8) The Vaccines - What Did You Expect From The Vaccines?
7) Marianas Trench - Ever After
6) Augustana - Augustana
5) Saves The Day - Daybreak
4) AWOLNATION - Megalithic Symphony
3) Yellowcard - When You're Through Thinking, Say Yes
2) Manchester Orchestra - Simple Math
1) Eisley - The Valley 

Eisley are like the Dixie Chicks if they were all sisters and a rock band instead of country trio.  Take a listen and you just might hear the voices of angels.

One more video of a band (not on my list) whose performance of this song I ❤.

My Favorite Movies

1) Win Win - Robbed of a screenplay nomination, this is the best movie of 2011 that nobody's heard of. And it's also just the best movie.

Swoon. 

2) Young Adult - Liked it so much I saw it twice in theaters. The funniest film of the year for me, with one of the most comic parts being how they tried to make Charlize Theron unattractive (and failed).

3) 50/50 - Amidst the typical Seth Rogen humor was a really touching film about the deeply personal and often solitary experience each person with cancer has to undergo.  

Double swoon.

4) Drive - Killer soundtrack. And lots of killing.

5) The Tree of Life - No, I'm not going to pretend I understood this movie (and anyone who claims they do is probably lying).  But this film embodies filmmaking - it really showed the beauty that can come from this medium.  Along with Drive, I felt like I was beholding art more than I was watching a film.

6) My Week With Marilyn - A charming story. It reminded me of those precious few awesome moments when the most popular girl in school paid attention to you. (My story: We were paired as seat partners and she showed me her new blue g-string.)

7) A Better Life - Such a simple story but executed so well.  Suspenseful and wonderful.

8) Crazy Stupid Love - I loved this movie like McAdams loves Gosling.

9) The Ides of March - Yes, I have three Ryan Gosling movies in my top 10.

10) Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close - Often the buildup in a mystery is better than the conclusion, but I found the answers in this to be just as satisfying as the journey was.  

My Favorite YouTube Video

RIP Michel.

My Favorite Books
  Non-fiction                                                  Fiction

***

2011 is probably my last year ever as a student (since at the moment I am not planning on going to grad school).  I'm off to face the real world.  Here's to hoping I don't fall flat on my face.

#humblebrag?

Text I recently received from my sister:

Hollys mom Julie dalton
just saw ur pic in the xmas
card and dead serious 
goes is that mcjagger or 
your brother.

Sometimes, the fact that we're the rising generation scares me.

New Year's Spectacular

I celebrated New Year's by going to a very rich person's house.  In this house, there is a full-size gym, which is where I was playing dodgeball with some kids.  I thought we were getting along quite well until one of them, a 6-year-old girl, asked, "Why are you playing with us? Why don't you get a girlfriend...or a life?"

2012 - off to a great start!