Fads That Were Rad

I wish light-up shoes were fashionable for adults.  But I also wish replaceable batteries were an option so you didn't have to buy a new pair once the original batteries ran out.

I'd still rather wear them than socks with sandals though.

Swagger Like Mick Jagger

You know you write catchy lyrics when you have this kid (who is 3 and can barely talk) letting you know that "the party don't stop 'til I walk in"

The Lone and Dreary World

I've always thought the world we live in to be a bit blasé.  I attribute this to the far-more-interesting worlds created in fiction and films. As a kid, I loved the various scenarios presented in R.L. Stine's Goosebumps series (I mean, how cool would it be if there were cameras that killed you when a picture was taken? That would solve that teenage girl take-a-million-pointless-pictures problem I wrote about below).  More recently, I've been smitten by The Hunger Games - sure, life in the districts would be pretty boring, but how exciting would it be to have an annual televised bloodbath and the chance that you or your brother/sister/relative could be chosen for this?

Anyways, I just saw Inception and when it ended, I walked out the doors sad to leave that extraordinary world and plunge back into our ordinary one.  So I thought about what movies I would want our world to be modeled after. 

Inception doesn't make the list, along with others, because while they appear intriguing, only a select few get to live the exciting life of that particular world.  In Inception, I would never make the dream squad so the best I could hope for is to be the flight attendant that assists in the operation (really not all that exciting).  Lord of the Rings crossed my mind, but I'd probably be a lowly Orc beheaded by Gimli's axe.  The same applies to Harry Potter - it's more likely I'd be a Muggle, unaware of the wonderful wizarding world that exists between a trian platform.  So without further ado, the movies I would like our world to be like:

Groundhog Day

I think this would be my #1 choice - wouldn't it be awesome if one time in your adult life you went through a period where you repeated the same day over and over?  I would say you'd get a 14 day minimum so you can have some fun the first days (you know, kill yourself in different ways) and after two weeks you'd have to risk it because the next day you wake up could have you facing the consequences.

The Truman Show

I think it would be fun to be any of the roles in this movie.  It would be fun to be Truman and slowly come to the realization you're in a bubble, or it'd probably be even more fun to be an actor in his show.  And even if you're a regular person, you get to watch this guy live out his life under your viewing pleasure.

Cloverfield

I just like the premise of this.  I think the lost opportunity our world missed was preserving dinosaurs.  How cool would it be to have these massive things patrolling our forests/mountains and wreaking havoc on our urban landscapes (in rare occurrences of course)?  Or if Godzilla or the Lochness Monster existed?  They would add a smidge of danger to your stroll or swim.

The Chronicles of Narnia

I think it would be cool if everyone had their own "wardrobe" that led to some alternate world, but instead of a wardrobe, it's a furniture item or something so when you're scouring your couch for loose change, you end up finding something else.

What Really Grinds My Gears: Issue #1

Do you notice anything wrong with this picture?

If you don't you probably are a victim of the plague spreading throughout America.  I have been seeing it far too often lately, as seen in the picture above (discretely taken by me), and there is no reason it should ever happen in the first place.

Because no one can ever have a good enough excuse to justify wearing socks with sandals in public.  Ever.

The thought process that goes into this decision puzzles me. As you leave your house, do you suddenly look outside for the first time and realize it's hot so you want to wear your sandals but have already put on socks as part of your morning ritual and don't want to take them off and wash a pair of barely used socks?  Or is it that you don't want your feet to sweat in your sandals?  Or do you laugh at the face of fashion with your non-conformity (when really people are laughing at you)? 

And it's not like it isn't a conscious action either - you don't just slip into those things, you have to strap yourself into those sandals.  And you have to be fully conscious to wear flip flops with socks - you have to put in extra effort to stretch the fabric in order to sandwich your big toe and second toe between the strap.

If this faux-pas ever occurs to somebody you are comfortable enough with to offer fashion tips, pass this one on to them.

Smile For The Camera

If you have sisters that are anything like mine, they think money grows on trees, are not too kind to their parents, and despise any music that isn't played on the radio.

They're also very pretty.  And they love to look at pictures of themselves. Immediately after every picture (or if we're lucky, after all the pictures are taken), they will take the camera, look at each picture and zoom in on their face and judge themselves ("yeah, that one is ugly" "we need to take another one, I look like crap").  Never mind if someone else is blinking or not looking in the picture; if they look good, the picture is given the stamp of approval. Sometimes it feels like they take pictures just to reinforce their beautiful appearance.

My sister has countless Photoshopped-to-the-max Facebook albums of her and her friends doing various poses.  Maybe I should get her that new camera built for selfers for her fast-approaching birthday (http://reviews.photographyreview.com/files/2009/08/tl225_front.jpg)

I long for the days when teenage girls rarely owned cameras, and if they did it was a disposable 35mm version, in which they couldn't see what they looked like (and hence didn't do stupid poses 100 times over).

Keep That Dick in a Box

All the hoopla around LeBron tonight reminded me of a conversation my dad had in the young men's class he teaches at church.  He asked them to name some athletes who excel at their sport.  They came up with three athletes.

Kobe Bryant.

Tiger Woods.

Lawrence Taylor.

Then he asked what made them great at their sport.  I couldn't help but think of another common factor besides hard work and practice that these guys share.

Kobe Bryant - extramarital affair (consensual after some $$$)

Tiger Woods - extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-
                    extra-extra-extra-extra-extra-marital affair (that's 15 extras
                    if you're counting)

Lawrence Taylor - extramarital affair (not consensual and with a minor)

I think the point of the lesson may have been lost.

Speaking of dogs...

I was recently assigned to pick up the dog poop around our yard in preparation for our July 4th party.  A dreadful task to most, I actually don't mind the task because of the love I have for my dog (I mean, just look at her).

This got me thinking about cleaning up other people's tootsie rolls. Which would be a dreadful task to me.  And I assume to most others. There's just not much appealing in the smell and sight of something that has been in your body anywhere from 24 to 72 hours.  And I don't know anyone who reacts positively to finding an unflushed toilet of "kakashka" (the Russians really captured the word in its essence).

As close as you are with any of your friends, you would never want to clean up their crap.  So who else's crap do we willingly clean up?

Babies.  We seem to be fine cleaning up their messes, so what changes?

Well, obviously the babies get older and more awkward around their poop-cleaner-uppers and don't want to be seen naked by them (or worse, see them naked).  I clean up Lily's crap out of love, and I think a parent does it for the same reason.  Sure it's harder to love a child as one witnesses the beautiful baby skin that once was become infested with grease and acne, but any good parent still loves their baby, no matter how old.

So all this talk has led me to a conclusion.  I need to soil myself.  In so doing, I will find out if my mom's love for me is the same as it was when I was a little boy.

***

On a related note...I have always been amazed by dogs' ability to just go on command in the presence of people both known and unknown.  I can barely go alone with the door locked in my own house.  Put me in a public bathroom with people coming in and out, and I'll just pull my pants up and give it an hour before the urge goes away (very unhealthy but it works every time).