In A World Called Catastrophe

You know how people have nightmares about going to school and then realizing they have no pants on?

I have never had that dream, but on Friday I had my own version of that nightmare.

I was in my fiction writing class (in which I am one of two guys in the class, and the other kid always smells really bad which actually makes me look even better) and I suddenly passed some gas.  Audibly.  Panicked, I rose out of my chair and headed toward the door but on the way there I couldn't stop cutting the cheese and every step I walked another one came out.  Loud.  Everyone was laughing and I woke up in a cold sweat.

So now I'm really nervous to go to classes this week.  Because if that happens, or even just one squirms its way out, I will have to drop that class. There is no coming back from that for me.  It would be immediately clear it was me because I know I would go beet red, and I would never want to face those people again.  I am just nervous thinking about it now because I get inklings every now and again but suppress them (I send massive hate to those people who don't - we're in a closed classroom people...have a little shame) but now I'm worried I'll think about the dream, causing me to lose focus on keeping it in and then re-enact my nightmare.  

College.  It's hard.    

Doggy-Style

Today I wanted to take Lily to a dog park where I could let her roam around unleashed with other dogs and I could read Olive Kitteridge outside (it's for class OK...but I'm secretly enjoying it Oprah recommendation and all). I was looking up places, and found a good one within walking distance, but noticed on the comments people complained about owners letting their dogs hump other dogs and laughing about it. These people were very angry, and being the person I am (one who does not like to cause controversy) I kept that in mind when I arrived in the park.

Lily and I arrived to find the park empty, so I sat down and started reading while Lily did dog stuff. Shortly thereafter, two women with their dog came into the park and we struck up a conversation. My gay-dar, usually very poor, picked up that they were lesbians so I made sure to say I was from San Francisco not Utah, that I lived in Russia, not was a Mormon missionary there. Things were going flawlessly. I even didn't mess up guys with gays like I have been prone to do - "So where do you gays...guys live?"

But then Lily mounted Kishka, their dog. And she started humping her. I immediately got up and scolded Lily. Crisis and negative review on Yelp! averted.

But then she did it again. I got up again and pulled her off and then said, "Lily, you can't do that. You're a girl!"

And then it went silent.

Shortly thereafter, they left.