Mother Russia

As my time in Russia fades further into the crevices of my memory, I tend to only remember the inherent strangeness and peculiarity of the country: my interactions with the man with the rat on his shoulder; the babushka feeding her sheep in a park; the man who walked his ferret on a leash.

That's why I'm thankful the proletariat captured this bizarre moment, allowing the general populace to better comprehend what truly goes on behind the iron curtain.

Behold.

Billy On The Street

If you like to laugh (not breathe heavily through your nostrils, but actually laugh out loud), then watch this show. Billy Eichner takes the structure of game shows and politeness of their hosts and throws them out the window. The result is riveting (and hilarious and weird and amazing) TV. 

Catch it Fridays on Fuse. 

I Am 24 Years Old

Most people's reaction to my mustache (or lack thereof):

Caddyshanked

As you can see from this photo, this golf ball is a little scuffed up, specifically on the 'Tit'. Unfortunately, it's not from hitting the cart path, but from cracking an unsuspecting victim's windshield. Yes, of the hundreds of rounds of golf I've played, I've never hit a hole-in-one, but I've now hit someone's car. The guy has yet to call me, but this is just a reminder that if you think your life has more awkward moments than mine, it doesn't.

Red Bull Gives You Wings

The Grotesquery and Beauty of Sports

I should have known that after declaring my first real sports allegiance, I'd immediately experience my first sports-related heartbreak. I could write about how the fact that Matt Barkley will finish his career having never beaten Stanford is a huge blemish or about how much I hate losing early in college football because it deflates your whole season or how I'm cheering hard for the Ducks now (the only hope to save America from another all-SEC BCS Championship), but I never really wanted to write anything after that game - I just wanted to post this gif. Now, however, instead of being a vindictive takedown of The Farm, it's just a sad metaphor for our season.

Awkward

In less depressing news, the baseball playoffs have commenced. Unfortunately, no one my age likes baseball, even though it's the best thing ever. One of the biggest regrets of my life was going out with friends on October 27th of last year. This rare moment of socialization, in which I didn't even have that great of a time (a fairly typical outcome when I associate with humans), proved to be extremely costly. While we were dining and froyo-ing, I missed Game 6 between the Texas Rangers and the St. Louis Cardinals, better known as "the greatest World Series game ever played" (according to every sportswriter ever). If these "friends" (downgraded to acquaintances after what they did to me) liked baseball, this never would have happened.

Needless to say, I make sure that catastrophe will never repeat itself by ensuring my Octobers favor hits by ballplayers over kicks with amigos. (The latter is surprisingly not a problem for me these days, maybe because I say things like 'kicks with amigos'). I feel quite vindicated tonight after witnessing two walk-off wins by the Yankees and A's. As someone who despises the Yankees for how they always pull miracles out of nowhere, it sucked, and yet being there to experience it all also made it kind of rule.

Awesome

Fight On

One downside from moving around so much was that I never got to attach myself to a sports team and grow up with them through all the ups & downs. I was a huge A's fan, but then moved to Toronto, which split my allegiance (especially since they were in the same league). I don't know who to root for when they play each other. 

Football I liked the 49ers but that was also hard to maintain living in Germany (although I did become a Frankfurt Galaxy fan briefly - yay NFL Europe!). Basketball and hockey I flirted briefly with, but once we left Toronto my interest in the Raptors & Maple Leafs evaporated (haven't missed much there though).

So, when I got accepted to USC, I finally had a team I could unabashedly support with no qualms or hesitation. Unfortunately, I missed the Bush-Leinart years and the Mark Sanchez honeymoon and was left with a bowl-banned team my last two years. I've graduated and now we're #1 and BCS-eligibile (I really picked my spots poorly), but I now understand what it's like to have a real investment in a team...I feel American! Mainly though, I really want to shut the SEC up and I'd love for us to be the ones to do it. 

Story of My Life

Guess what gender?

Story of the Year

Best headline ever or best headline ever?

Even the subheadline is amazing. A family sexual assault trifecta. Definitely worth a read.