Ruthless

So I just got back from a concert.  It was Something Corporate featuring Andrew McMahon back from the dead after beating cancer.  I was really excited to see them and see the self-proclaimed newest venue in LA - Club Nokia.  Unfortunately, moving my sister out of her apartment took longer than expected so I arrived a little late, but the band had yet to start playing.

The venue was a three-tiered floor, and after spotting my friends, I went to join them on the lowest tier.  However, I was blocked by a BFG (read Roald Dahl if you don't know that one) who insisted this level was limited to x amount of people and it was first-come/first-serve and you had to have a certain type of ticket and you needed a bracelet and I really wanted to kick him in the balls and yada-yada-yada.  After trying other security guards, it was clear no one was budging despite the fact the floor was only 2/3 full (if that).  As I pondered ways to get into the pit, the following ideas crossed my mind:

-Follow the short girl who just exited the pit into the bathroom and force her to give me her bracelet (using force if necessary)

-Follow one of the security guards into the bathroom, somehow take him out (I imagined something with my belt and wrapping it around his neck) and putting on his security shirt

-Bribe the guard. This works in Russia, and security guards are just as scummy as Russian cops. Unfortunately I had spent all my cash on parking.

-Was it possible to jump from the upper level balcony into the pit and not break a leg/be seen?

In the end, I had to "enjoy" the show friendless and farther back with a pillar blocking the right half of the stage.  

I had planned to do a blog post about my favorite five things at concerts.  But after tonight's catastrophe I'd like to offer my five least favorite things at concerts.

1) Security. For reasons above obviously, but I've also been annoyed that no security guard has ever known any of the bands they're "protecting" - clearly, they have bad music taste.

2) Obnoxiously long in-between set times.  It does not take that long to tune a guitar.

3) Fat people. 'Nuff said.

4) Tall people.

5) People who are closer to the stage than me yet don't know a single lyric and probably can't even name the band.  They're usually fat too and dragged along by a girlfriend.

Honorable mention: girls with frizzy hair whose mane I always get caught in

***

Oh well, I guess it wasn't that big of a deal.  I'll just see Something Corporate again when they roll into town.  Oh wait...it was a reunion tour.  THEY'RE NEVER GOING TO PLAY TOGETHER AGAIN.

FML